I know that I have mentioned this multiple times before throughout my blog, but I can’t stop thinking about this. This chapter once again opened my eyes to how blind my Christian background has made me to actually reading the Bible. I wish that I could be as shocked and appalled by Jesus’ words as Cosby’s friend from college to whom he had given a Bible.
It’s been over a year and a half since I was truly, properly angry with God and thought about giving up on this whole stupid religion thing all together. Oddly enough, during that time was when I was best able to actually read and understand the Bible. My anger and hurt made me scrutinize every single word in any passage I read – I’d never been so captivated by such a ‘dull’ book as I was when I hated everything about it.
One of my friends once told me that, when she was a camp counselor, anytime one of her campers would talk to her about their faith, whether they were upset or disappointed or any other negative emotion, she would tell them that it’s alright to be upset or angry. Because that means that you’re still engaging, you’re still trying. You can’t feel strong emotions over something that you don’t care about any more.
In a lot of ways, I feel as though I lost a good deal when I stopped being so upset with God. Because currently I don’t care a whole lot. I’m not angry anymore but I’m not passionate on the other extreme either. I’m just lukewarm. I’m “eh” about the whole thing. I don’t like it. We’ve been talking about lukewarm Christians in class and sometimes I really wish I were at least angry with God instead of really just not caring.
Caroline's Encounters 